Dumb Criminals!

I might start a series of posts based on stupid criminal stories, as I quite like them and I think others do too. Well, without further ado, here you go!

A 26-year-old man was arrested in San Pablo, Calif., in December and accused of stealing a taxi after tricking the driver into momentarily exiting the cab. The man then drove to a Department of Motor Vehicles office, where he attempted to register ownership of the car. 

According to the Herald Times, an amateur criminal accidentally texted some secret information to the wrong number, making for the most unsuccessful drug deal ever. How? The recipient of the message was the deputy prosecuter! Although the actual words seem like harmless nonsense (“Roxy twenties fifteen”), Indiana policemen say it’s code for oxycodon and other prescription drugs. Soon he’ll be heading to prison, which I’ve heard is infamous for its dead zones.

Valuable Lesson Number Two: Not EVERY creepy person is a criminal. Most of us have been out and about long enough to see our share of whackos. The guy in the Chuckie Cheese costume? No, not jail material. The old lady in your neighborhood with a license in taxidermy? Very creepy, but not illegal.

Also, sometimes the LEAST dangerous-looking people are the ones police have to look out for. These two dudes from the Washington Post  seem to have forgotten that important fact. After shoplifting almost $500 worth of soap and shampoo from a local CVS (Yes. Out of all the wonderful, exquisite things in a drugstore, they stole SOAP), they made their getaway in a stolen Good Humor ice cream truck. This plan seemed to be working out well until a mob of angry children suffering from sugar-withdrawal chased them down, demanding frozen treats. Just kidding! A few days later, the police received a call about the crime and began to chase the suspects down. Lucky for the cops, there was only one suspicious-looking ice cream truck going 80 miles per hour. Eventually, it crashed into another car and the two men were arrested on charges of theft, reckless driving, and eluding the police. So, the moral of the story is: no matter how great it seems, a truckful of ice cream is NOT the answer to everything.